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CLIENTS AND ATTORNEYS NEED TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR MENTAL HEALTH DURING DIVORCE AND CUSTODY LITIGATION

2/16/2023

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I write this post with a heavy heart.  A former client, I'll call John, committed suicide earlier this week and I want to share this story to impart wisdom and hope to anyone that might need some.  Conflict of any kind can be stressful, but throw in lawyers, the nastiness of litigation, and a justice system that sometimes doesn't seem just--well--that is enough to send any of us over the edge.  None of us are immune to the lasting effects of litigation, including the lawyers involved.  I share with my clients how I manage my stress to encourage them to get help.  Sometimes I require it as a condition to represent them because losing a client to suicide, would send anyone into a tail spin regardless of their background.
 
Because I struggled with suicidal thoughts and depression when I was younger and before I had proper ways of coping with those issues, I can usually see the signs in clients.  When John came to me, he was struggling with suicidal thoughts, but we made a plan for him that included weekly talk therapy, medication, meditation, exercise, and some accountability.  Thankfully, I was able to get John through his divorce and he was moving on and doing well until problems arose that put him back in a heated custody situation.  In August 2022, I wanted to help John, but his case was tough and I didn't think I had it in me because of so many other hard cases as well as some health issues that seem to be directly related to representing too many clients with tough cases.  I ultimately had to refer John to other lawyers.
 
You are probably wondering where is the wisdom and hope.  The wisdom is this: know your own limitations, trust your gut, you don't really need the money, and saying no is perfectly ok for your own self-preservation.  The hope is this: know that you are not alone, know there is nothing wrong with you; and know there is help out there https://texassuicideprevention.org/  and https://www.tlaphelps.org/
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    Tina Hall Montoya

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